Shit My Kids Say

THA-BANG!!

A thunderous explosion erupts. Dirt and shrapnel fly through the air. For a moment, time stands still, there’s ironic silence in the deafening blast… there’s nothing, there’s everything and it’s both all at once and nothing at all.

Steve isn’t sure if he was out or if he never missed a moment. His ears are still ringing. He can’t hear a thing and then… “ALEX!” He screams hearing his own voice… rising in both pitch and volume as the world seems to go from slow motion abruptly back to the here and now with a jolt that comes in the sound of his own desperate scream.

There’s some movement in the brush near where Alex should have been… maybe even a moan?

Steve makes his way towards his friend, gun fire explodes in the jungle around him, far off explosions ring through the dense bush. Their barracks appear to be blown to shit. Steve can barely stand, he’s aware he’s bleeding… “shit,” he groans… he can feel blood streaming down his arm. He’s lucky, the wound doesn’t look too serious…

“ALEX!” He screams, as he drags himself to where he last saw his best friend.

“…ssss…t…eeeve...?”

It’s Alex, barely conscious, and covered in blood.

“Son of a bitch… ALEX!” Screams Steve. “ALLLLLEX! NO!” Horrified Steve notices that both of Alex’s legs are missing from the knees down. Steve reacts without thought and begins administering first aid, tightly tying his belt and Alex’s, around his best friend’s mangled appendages.

“FOR SHIT’S SAKE MAN! DON’T YOU DIE ON ME!” Screams Steve. “ALLLLLLEX! Hang in there buddy,” Steve pulls his friend into his lap cradling his head, “It’s Ok man, we’re gonna get you home,”

“They blew my damn legs off bro…” Alex barely manages to moan. Steve swears he sees a grin under the wince, it would be like Alex to try and make a joke right now.

“Shhhhhh. Shhhhhhh. It’s ok Alex… I’m gonna get those guys. Don’t you worry. I’m gonna get them… because I came here to kick some ass and chew some bubble gum… and I’m all out of bubble gum…”

They both laugh… “Hey boys,” I say? My two sons are sitting on their bedroom floor, scattered around their room are toy soldiers and the remains of a Lincoln log ‘barracks’, one of their soldiers appears to be holding the other in his arms… “are you guys almost ready for lunch?”

“Almost, mom… we’re just finishing up this army game… Alex got his legs blown off…” Says my oldest. He’s nine.

“And Steve was just about to kick some bad guy ass…” says my middle child, his eyes are twinkling. He’s seven.

“Are we using adult language?” I ask them both.

Without missing a beat my youngest son replies, “This is war mom. Alex got his legs blown off. These are adult situations… adult language is appropriate here.” He grins. He knows he’s not wrong.

I sigh and smile, “Fair enough. Lunch is in ten minutes.”

“Ok, mom….” And then in unison they add, “love you!”

*******

Yup.

I let my kids swear.

And before you get all judgy, hear me out first.…

Let’s start with my kids: they are the NICEST, kindest, most thoughtful, well behaved and wonderful kids you’d ever want to meet. They constantly think of others, they care deeply for animals, they’re considerate, they cheer others on, they’re excited for other people when other people do well… these are some awesome little humans. And on occasion… they swear.

Though I don’t really call it swearing. Some people do. That’s fine. Some people even refer to swears as “bad words.” Fuck that shit… they’re words… adult words. Nothing more.

My thoughts on this…

I know, I know… how taboo but…

When I was a kid, swearing was a big deal. So much so that when a friend’s younger sister accidentally slipped and dropped the dreaded… “h-e-double-hockey-sticks” as we all called it, except she actually said it in real life (oh the horror), she immediately started crying, absolutely convinced that she had just bought herself a one way ticket straight there… to hell. Because she “said a bad word.”

Nuts right?

So we’re not doing that. Nope. Not in my house… not on my watch.

********

A couple of years ago I was randomly reading articles on yahoo when I came across one that immediately piqued my attention.

While I can’t remember the article or title verbatim, it went something like this:

I’m a mom and a psychiatrist and I let my children swear.

In it this person cited studies that found that people who swear tend to have not only larger vocabularies than their non-swearing counterparts, but that they tend to also be more honest people.

Part of this reasoning in the study’s conclusion was that those who ‘use adult language’ were very truthful, forthright, and willing to share their emotions with unfiltered honesty. People who swear also often have the ability and social intelligence (not always here folks, not always) to know how and when to turn it off and when and where it’s appropriate to let those f bombs rip… and that this ability to navigate language and social situations takes situational awareness, social / emotional intelligence and more.

What I’m trying to say is that using adult language is good for your fucking brain… and that’s science.

Now of course we have rules for the kids. Kids need rules. Kids should have rules.

So… Rule #1 Would definitely be no adult language at school. School is a place for kids. Adult language doesn’t belong in kid places. And my kids get this because… they’re really mastering that whole ‘time and place for everything’ concept. Smart.

Rule #2 is absolutely no adult language used towards each other… i.e. I better not hear you call your brother an asshole. I can’t say they’re 100% with this one, but they’re close… really fucking close.

Now before you think that the kids walk around the house m’fing left and right… that’s not exactly how it works either. We don’t call these words swears. We definitely don’t call them bad words. We call them: adult words. And adult words (used by children) are appropriate in adult situations.

Bust your toe on the heavy wood table?

A loud “damnit!” Is perfectly acceptable… no you don’t have to say fudge-sicles…

Dog gets out and takes off running towards the street?

“Oh shit, the dog is headed towards the street!” Is fine… and perfectly valid and definitely conveys the time sensitiveness of the current situation at hand.

Neighbor says, “hello?”

“What-up-bitch?” Is never acceptable… and this they know…

Because adult language builds character… vocabulary… a great sense of humor… and the intelligence to know when and when not to use it.

Which is why I’m a-ok with the shit my kids say…

Oh and in case you were wondering: The boys tell me that Alex pulled through and Steve kicked some serious ass (no bubblegum necessary).

Kids say the damndest things.